The role of a bridesmaid is cherished, but it also comes with questions that can leave even the most sophisticated brides slightly frazzled. At the heart of it all lies one fundamental question: who should bear the costs? The topic is nuanced and culturally charged, from dresses to makeup and accommodation. We’re here to provide an authoritative guide on gracefully navigating these financial waters based on insights from our trend-conscious, discerning audience. Our audience spoke, and here’s what they had to say:

Accommodation for the Night Before: Slightly more were against (1,046) than for (826), showing that expectations for covering this expense vary.

Brides Paying for Dresses: A close split, with 984 in favour and 927 opposed.

Hair and Makeup: An overwhelming 1,538 votes for brides covering the cost versus 424 against.

Shoes: Only 425 said brides should pay, while 1,527 felt bridesmaids should cover it.

Thank You Gifts: The vote was a strong yes, with 1,537 votes, affirming that a token of appreciation goes a long way.

Using our readers’ responses as a guide, here’s a closer look at who typically pays for each item—and the rationale behind it.

The Bridesmaid Dress: To Pay or Not to Pay?

For many, the bridesmaid dress remains the most contentious cost. Several readers expressed that if a bride has a specific look in mind, she should cover the cost. One person noted, “If you invite them to be part of your day, you should pay,” while another advised, “It’s like hosting a dinner party—you wouldn’t ask guests to pay for the groceries.”

However, others suggested a middle ground, such as contributing a set amount while allowing bridesmaids to choose a dress they like. One comment summarises it well: “I opted to put towards a set amount and let them pick the dress that suits them.” This approach respects both the bride’s vision and the bridesmaids’ comfort.

For brides, it’s worth considering the level of control you want over the dress style. Covering the cost can be a gracious gesture if you envision a specific designer gown. But if you’re open to flexibility, bridesmaids may be more willing to pay for something they can choose and potentially wear again.

Hair and Makeup: A Common Courtesy

Hair and makeup are often seen as essential services, and many respondents felt strongly that if the bride mandates a particular look, she should cover the cost. One reader succinctly said, “If it’s required, it should be paid for by the bride.” Another suggested that while bridesmaids should cover optional services, anything required should be the bride’s responsibility.

Most of our poll participants echoed this sentiment, with many agreeing that the bride should cover these costs, especially if uniformity is essential. However, if the bride is flexible, she might consider offering hair and makeup as an optional service, allowing bridesmaids to pay.

Shoes and Accessories: The Practical Approach

The poll revealed that most respondents felt bridesmaids should cover their shoes, especially if they can choose a comfortable pair. One commenter said, “Shoes are personal, and they’re something bridesmaids might already own.” Another noted that paying for shoes should be manageable for the bride as long as they aren’t required to match exactly.

This practical approach acknowledges that many bridesmaids might already own suitable footwear, allowing them to save on this expense. For brides focused on a particular dress style but more flexible on accessories, this strategy allows for a cohesive yet personalised look while keeping costs manageable.

Accommodation for Destination Weddings

Accommodation is a grey area, especially for destination weddings. Our poll showed a divided opinion, with slightly more respondents against covering the night-before stay. However, when it comes to destination weddings, expectations tend to shift. One comment reflected this sentiment: “For a destination wedding, I felt it was only right to pay for major expenses.”

Several readers emphasised that brides should consider covering as much as possible because of the additional costs involved in destination weddings. Covering accommodation, or at least some, can alleviate financial strain on bridesmaids already committing to travel for the big day.

Embracing Transparency and Communication

At the heart of these decisions lies the importance of transparency. As one respondent highlighted, “Communication is key. Be upfront about costs and budgets.” Setting expectations from the outset—ideally during an initial conversation with your bridesmaids—helps avoid misunderstandings and ensures everyone is on the same page. By clearly communicating who will cover which costs, bridesmaids can feel appreciated and respected, and brides can avoid any potential conflicts leading up to the wedding.

Cultural Influences: A Global Perspective on Bridesmaid Expenses

Interestingly, several respondents noted that norms vary by culture. One American reader shared, “It’s common here for bridesmaids to pay for their dresses,” while others from different backgrounds found it unfathomable to ask bridesmaids to contribute financially. These cultural differences remind us that there’s no one-size-fits-all answer, and a sensitivity to individual backgrounds can make the experience smoother for everyone involved.

The Final Word: Setting the Tone for Your Wedding

Ultimately, decisions about expenses reflect practical considerations and the tone you want to set for your wedding. Weddings are celebrations of love and friendship, and managing expectations around costs can help maintain these relationships beyond the big day. Whether you’re a bride who wants to cover everything or seeks balance, the goal is to ensure that all parties feel comfortable, valued, and excited to stand by your side.

We’d love to hear your thoughts on this topic! Have you been a bridesmaid or bride recently? Please share your experiences with us on Instagram, join the conversation on our podcast, or follow us on TikTok for more discussions on modern wedding etiquette.