When someone asks you to be a bridesmaid, it’s truly an honour. That someone values their relationship with you so much that they want you to stand beside them as they embark on a new chapter of their life is an act of love and trust. Accepting that offer is not just a celebration—it’s a responsibility and a commitment. Yet, for many women, particularly among Gen Z and millennials, that commitment has started to feel more like a burden than a joy.
There are the chill brides, of course, who don’t ask for much. But after adding up the cost of getting a dress, alterations, planning and hosting (read: paying for) a bridal shower, attending a multi-day bachelorette party, investing in the requested nail design, hair styling, and shoes, and covering roundtrip airfare for all these events, it becomes quite a bit to ask. Beyond the financial toll, the time commitment is often underestimated. I’ve spent three days stuck in an airport trying to get to a wedding I never even made it to (shout out to the bride who was chill enough to still send me a lovely bridesmaid gift after the fact). Then there’s the group dynamic: navigating the personalities of the other bridesmaids, enduring awkward bachelorette parties with women you barely know, and, of course, the infamous bridesmaid dress—most of which you’ll never wear again.
The Financial Reality of Being a Bridesmaid
As weddings become more elaborate, so do the expectations placed on bridesmaids. The Bridal Journey recently polled our audience, revealing the staggering costs of being a bridesmaid. 40% of respondents admitted to spending over $1,000 to fulfil the role, with another 25% spending between $600 and $1,000. Only 12% reported spending less than $300.
This financial burden has led many women to reconsider whether the honour of being a bridesmaid is worth the cost. Comments from our readers reflect this growing sentiment:
- “Brides should pay for the dress, hair, and makeup.”
- “I’m paying for everything my girls need for my special day.”
- “The bride should cover travel, accommodation, the cost of the bachelorette party, and at least part of the dress and hair. It’s just too much to expect otherwise.”
- “I always hope the bride will help cover costs, but it’s never guaranteed.”
The Cultural Shift: Why More Bridesmaids Are Saying “I Don’t”
For decades, being a bridesmaid was a coveted role that signified close friendship and support. But as the wedding industry has grown, so have the demands placed on bridesmaids. According to a recent report, the wedding industry has increased by 13% this year alone. With this rise comes more extravagant wedding-related events: bridal showers, bachelorette parties, rehearsal dinners, and often a whole weekend of wedding festivities that require travel.
The women most affected by these escalating costs and expectations are often in their twenties and early thirties, a life stage marked by other financial commitments like paying off student loans, building careers, and planning their weddings. For many, saying “yes” to being a bridesmaid can mean saying “no” to financial stability. This is especially true for Gen Z, who are increasingly comfortable setting boundaries regarding their finances.
In our poll, 67% of respondents said they would still say yes to being a bridesmaid even if it came at a financial detriment. However, many women shared comments like this:
- “The bride should pay for everything; if they don’t want to, they shouldn’t have bridesmaids.”
- “The bride can only cover the dress or contribute to it. It’s not fair to expect someone to shell out thousands.”
- “Bridesmaids should be about support, not financial stress.”
This shift in attitude reflects a broader cultural movement prioritising mental health, financial well-being, and the ability to say “no” without guilt.
Time Commitment: More Than Just a Day
It’s not just the financial burden driving women to decline bridesmaid roles; it’s also the time commitment. Weddings today often require bridesmaids to commit to several events leading up to the big day. Bachelorette parties are no longer just one night out—they can stretch into entire weekends away, sometimes even abroad. Once a quaint gathering, the bridal shower has become a Pinterest-perfect event, often with an elaborate theme and high expectations for decor, gifts, and games. Add in the rehearsal dinner, wedding-day prep, and the wedding itself, and it’s easy to see how a bridesmaid’s role can consume significant chunks of time.
One follower commented:
- “I spent three weekends flying back and forth for bridal showers, dress fittings, and the wedding itself. It was exhausting and expensive. I’ll never do it again.”
Another shared:
- “I didn’t know half the other bridesmaids, and I spent most of the bachelorette trip feeling out of place. I’m happy to celebrate, my friend, but I’d rather attend as a guest next time.”
The Emotional Toll: Navigating Expectations and Boundaries
Being a bridesmaid is often framed as a supportive role, but the emotional expectations can sometimes be overwhelming. Many women feel pressured to be the perfect bridesmaid—cheerful, helpful, and willing to accommodate every request from the bride, no matter how demanding. This pressure can lead to burnout, especially with financial and time commitments.
One bridesmaid recounted her experience:
- “I love my friend, but the expectations were just too much. I was constantly being asked to help plan things, and every time I said no, I felt guilty. By the end of it, I was just exhausted.”
Another said:
- “It’s hard when you’re expected to be part of a group of women you don’t know well. There’s always someone who takes things way too seriously, and it can make the whole experience feel more like a chore than a celebration.”
Is It Time to Rethink Bridesmaids?
With all the financial, emotional, and time-related stress, it begs the question: is it time to rethink the traditional bridesmaid role? Some brides already take a more modern approach by eliminating bridal parties or keeping them small and informal. One bride shared her approach:
- “I didn’t want to burden my friends with the cost of being a bridesmaid, so I told them just to show up and enjoy the day. No dresses, no obligations—just fun.”
Others pay for their bridesmaids’ expenses, recognising that it’s unfair to expect friends to cover costs associated with a wedding they didn’t choose to have.
Conclusion: The Freedom to Say “I Don’t”
The role of a bridesmaid has long been seen as a symbol of friendship and support, but in today’s world, it’s also a symbol of rising costs, time commitments, and emotional labour. As more women set boundaries around their time and finances, saying “I don’t” to being a bridesmaid is becoming more common—and more accepted.
For those considering whether to take on the role, it’s important to remember that saying no doesn’t diminish your friendship. It is the healthiest choice for you, financially and emotionally. Brides are becoming more understanding of these realities, and we can all get behind the shift toward more flexible, economically considerate bridal parties.
After all, weddings are supposed to be a celebration of love—not a source of stress.
