Bride- to – be: Just engaged and completely overwhelmed? Read This Now


The first step.


First of all, congratulations! 

“I will remember how my wedding felt, not how my wedding looked” repeat it to yourself  over and over again.

You should definitely take your time celebrating your engagement—but when you’re ready to officially start planning your wedding, here’s how to dive in.

The minute you get engaged, everyone will be asking for your wedding date. But in reality, you won’t be able to set an exact wedding date until other major decisions (choosing your venue) are made. Focus on determining a range of dates that’ll work for you. Think about what season you’d prefer, any major holidays or family events you’d like it to be on or potentially avoid and how long you predict you’ll need to plan.

Pick what you really care about it. Here’s your homework. Your partner and you need to cross things out you could seriously care less about and circle things that matter to you. Then once narrowed down pick your top 5 non negotiables each. However before you start crossing off and circling like a mad woman. I want to you read (or listen) to Bridechilla’s podcast of things that you need to chuck in the ‘Fuck it bucket’ when deciding what to pick.

The ‘Fuck it bucket’ is where you put all of the jobs and things to buy you thought you would get around to doing before your wedding but have run out of time or care. These items are tasks and things you thought would be important at the early stages of planning but now… bye! It’s not to say that these tasks and items aren’t fun and great if you have them it’s more about allowing yourself to say ‘it doesn’t really matter and no one will notice’. 


Download the free Bridal Journey Non Negotiable List here

Repeat after me:

“I will remember how my wedding felt, not how my wedding looked”.

Here’s a bunch of things that really don’t matter. You can chuck them in the fuck it bucket and move on:


Rehearsal Dinner:
It’s basically a whole other event and it’s held at peak wedding stress time. If you can’t afford it or don’t care. Chuck it.

The day-after-brunch
You are tired, hungover and the thought of being ‘on again’ exhausts you.  Ditch it.

Photo booth
Silly hats and moustaches don’t make a wedding. Can’t be bothered finding all of this stuff. Forget it.

Hotel blocks
Let people book their own hotel rooms.

Gift bags
This isn’t the Oscars. Fuck it.

Bridal Party Gifts…gifts in general
Too many gifts! Next we’ll be getting people a ‘thanks for RSVPing gift’, of wait, that’s the whole freaking wedding.

Ask any couple how often they read their wedding guest book. 0 Zero fucks.

Engagement pictures
Unless these come in a package deal, you don’t need them

Reception games

Custom cocktails
Booze is booze. They’re fun but a good vodka soda gets me just as excited as a custom jobby.

Send off
Are we still doing this?

Hand painted Signs
I like to look at these on Pinterest but by God, who has the time?

Chair Covers
Fuck them!

Fancy Napkins
Ikea make very nice paper napkins in the best patterns and colour ranges.

Boutonnieres and flowers for the mothers
If you aren’t ‘flower people’ ditcheroo.

Cake cutting
If gathering people to watch you cut a cake isn’t on your bucket list, you know which bucket you can put this in.

Garter or bouquet toss
No one needs to see a guys head up a ladies skirt, removing a piece of lacy elastic. No one.

Return address stamps
There is no scientific prof that this will make people return RSVPs quicker.

Cake servers
You will never use them again. Never. 

Bridesmaids shoes
Let the ladies wear their own shoes or pick shoes they will wear again. Haven’t they suffered enough?

Dance lessons
I think I’m over the surprise, the couple have been doing dance lessons for 6 years routine

Any sort of getting ready pyjamas or robes
TBH can’t be bothered

Cake toppers
I like these, especially the fun ones but I assure you, the wedding will not cease without a cake topper

Bridesmaid invites
Just ask them, with your mouth…voice, you know what I mean

Special glassware

You don’t need personalised ‘Bride’ and ‘Groom’ glassware for your wedding. The wedding dress and suit gives it away.

Father of the Bride

Before you circle your non negotiables. Answer these questions:


What is the purpose of our wedding?

How do we want to feel about our wedding?

How do we want our guests to feel about our wedding?

What are our values and priorities?


Get down to the real basics of who you both are and what you enjoy doing together:

What do you like?

What do you dislike?

What do you consider to be fun?

What are you likely to do on a special occasion?


Think about your story as a couple:

Where did you meet?

How did you say ‘I love you’ for the first time?

What have been some of the most memorable moments in your relationship? What was your proposal like?


Then start to dig a little deeper:

What values do you share?

What dreams do you have for the future?



The second step.


Remember its about you as a couple creating a truly authentic day and not giving a shit about others’ expectations.

Remember it’s about you as a couple creating a truly authentic day and not giving a shit about others’ expectations. Using your wedding philosophy to guide you cross out negotiables and circle non-negotiable items you absolutely can’t imagine your wedding without, and one of the negotiable items that would be fun to have, but you could skip if you need to. For every couple, these lists will be different because every couple has unique priorities. When you have a strong sense of your priorities, it will be easier for you to determine how to spend your wedding funds. You should spend extravagantly on the things you love, but you have to cut costs mercilessly on the negotiables.


Now Circle what you really care about and cross out what you don’t (add anything that’s missing). Make sure your partner and you have 3 non negotiables circled.




Attendant gifts

Beer and wine


Bridal jewellery

Bridesmaid dresses

Beach wedding

Big venue – more than 100 guests



Caravan type catering





Cheese board

Classic wedding


Cocktail wedding



Dancer floor

Dance party

Destination wedding



Daytime wedding

Day of coordinator


Dinner party






Hair and makeup

Invitations (online/paper)

Industrial wedding

Intimate wedding

Late night – party




Music -live

Music – DJ

Next day brunch

Neon sign

Open bar

Outside food vendors (caravan type catering)

Outdoor ceremony

Photo booth


Religious ceremony

Romantic wedding



Rustic wedding

Sit down dinner


Summer wedding



Traditional wedding




Winter wedding

Wedding planner




Once you’ve got together a rough idea of non negotiables, you need a basic plan of attack. Once you know what you want, everything else should revolve around these things. Remember when budgeting to look at your non negotiables, maybe you want a live band? Well that means you cant go with your favourite florist and may have to look somewhere cheaper or alter that depending on your budget.

Wedding Plan Made Simple 

1. What you want your wedding to look and feel like | Budget | guest list

2. Venue

3. Primary Vendors

Catering, photography, Planner, Rentals

4. Secondary Vendors

Florist, celebrant, dj/band, attire, hair and makeup, baker

(After a panic attack)

5. Invitations, vows, ceremony plan, rehearsal dinner plans, day of timeline and menu

6. Loose ends

Marriage license, payments, delegate tasks, hotel transport

Click on Images to download Free Non-Negotiables List and Wedding Plan